The following is an excerpt from my upcoming standup act 'Easy Targets'.

You know what I hate? You know, really fucken hate? I really fucken hate celebrities. Yeah, yeah I know, celebrities are such easy fucken targets but that doesn't make them likable. And it's not so much that I hate them as people. I'm sure they're for the most part witty, charming individuals who parlay thier money and fame into humanitarian and philanthropic activities that benefit our race as a whole becoming paragons, fucking paragons of virtue and standards by which all of us should be judged.
Whatever happened to the Dalai Lama anyway?
Anyway, it's not that I hate these shallow fuckers as people. It's the fact I can't escape them. I cannot get away from celebrities. I gotta know who these idiots are and what the hell they're up to. I leave the house and they're up on billboards trying to sell me anal bleaching or some shit. I go to the supermarket and there's headlines on the magazines giving me all the gossip on celebrity activities. I turn on the tv and there they are! I can't get away from them.
And they're not even interesting. That's the thing. It's all such banal shit. This one's sticking cocaine up her schnozz. That one's had an abortion. That one's fighting with the other one over a man or a dress or something. This one went out on a drunken groping rampage. That one's been kicked out of some shithole night club for taking off all his clothes and trying to fuck the fixtures. It's like whoever's writing the scripts for these fucks has been following me around for a weekend. That's how goddamn boring it is.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, that is where the fucking tragedy is. These drugged up, cock hungry, status conscious, inbred, imbecilic clothes racks, these aristocrats, they're nothing, nothing but a mirror that's been held up to your television screen. That's reality. And you're watching it right now.