So it turned out I needed to take a bunch of papers down to my local social security office to support my case. One thing that came to my attention, like a pimple that you brush while you're drying yourself, is that they hadn't registered the details of my current enrolement. When I told the officer on my fraud case I was going to Monash he told me his computer said otherwise. So I went and sent him what he needed, then asked about my current enrolement. And that's when the shit from the insane bat hit the fan.
There's this peculiar law in Australia that says that after you turn 25, you can only study for three and a half years before they take your welfare payments off you and force you to look for work. This leaves no room for Michael-like indecision and changing world-views. You have to plot a course and damn the torpedoes!