Just looking in the kitchen and I see mum's stuck the local guide for 2001 up beside the phone: yet another reminder I'm getting old, fuck it. I've discovered my hairline is receeding. Scary shite. There's a lump on my head I got playing racquetball in year 10 at school. It was a doubles game and I got too close to my partner, Belinda Logan, as she was taking a swing, because I didn't trust her to take the shot. She got me above the temple with the racquet. The lump used to be covered by hair and its not now. You're getting old, Oates.